Why Men Should NEVER Date Single Mothers
Welcome to the definitive guide on dating single mothers. I never shy away from the controversial, in fact – I eat it up. I like diving into the depths of mankind and pulling out the nuggets of wisdom I’ve amassed during my time here and hope to completely and utterly convince you…
Why men should never date (or marry) single mothers.
Table of Contents
- History of Dating Single Mothers
- Reason #1 Not to Date a Single Mother – She’s a Mess & Makes POOR Decisions
- Reason #2 Not to Date a Single Mother – Your Attachment to the Children is Powerful
- Reason #3 Not to Date a Single Mother – You Never Come First
- Reason #4 Not to Date a Single Mother – Coordinating Schedules is a Nightmare
- Reason #5 Not to Date a Single Mother – Something is TERRIBLY Wrong with them Mentally & Emotionally
- Reason #6 Not to Date a Single Mother – It’s an Inverted Hierarchy
- Reason #7 – It’s Not Your Blood, It’s Literally The Woman’s and Other Man’s Responsibility
- Reason #8 Why Not to Date a Single Mother (or any Woman Older Than You Ever) – No Respect, and You’re a Glorified Teddy Bear
- Reason #9 – You’re Literally a Cuck
- Reason #10 Not to Date a Single Mother: You’re Taking From Your Own Blood(line)
- Reason #11 You Become a Nanny That Pays for Privilege
- Reason #12 There Will Be Far More Conflict In Your “Relationship”
- Reason #13 Her Boys Will Hate You
- Reason #14 You May Hate Her Children (Especially Her Boys)
Bonus: Top Questions on Dating Single Mothers:
- Is it wrong to not date single moms?
- Is dating harder for single mothers?
- Can a single mom find a good man?
Let’s get this one out of the way. I can already hear the cacophonous females squawking in response to this post with their ideological responses… “who hurt you?,” “clearly you’re not man enough to date a single mother,” “I bet he doesn’t get any pussy…” on and on. Notice how their responses all revolve around sex, emotion and there’s no logic, accountability or self-reflection?
I dated a single mother for 4+ years, building a fantastic relationship with her children (who were wonderful). It was the most painful thing in my life to separate from them, but the alternative was literally death.
So when I write what you’re about to read… LISTEN.
It comes from both theory AND experience (long and short term dating as well as many first dates).
I’ve watched women intensely for a VERY long time, realizing in High School that they were NOT the stories we’re sold. These fairy tales are not just NOT true, but in many ways – the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what women are and how they behave.
So let’s get to the meat of this post…
Why men should NEVER date or marry single mothers.
Reason #1 Not to Date a Single Mother – She’s a Mess & Makes POOR Decisions
There’s no better way to put this, and I promise in the words to come it will be thoroughly and fundamentally PROVEN – but virtually every single mother is a complete internal (and often external) mess.
We don’t have to look at the prescription rates of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, therapy, or self-help among women 25+ (and their skyrocketing rates) however they completely support this same line of thought. But, at it’s core the deplorable state of women is much more evidenced by simply LOOKING at and ANALYZING what’s going on.
The real question to ask is – what makes a woman a single mother?
Obviously a child or children, but abstractly it’s simply this – SHE MAKES HORRIBLE DECISIONS.
It doesn’t matter WHY.
In fact, caring too much about WHY will leave you homeless and drug addicted as you continually allow sociopaths and psychopaths the agency to walk all over you.
“Well it’s because she was abused.”
It doesn’t matter. What matters are her actions. What are those actions?
She either got knocked up by the wrong man. Or got knocked up by the RIGHT man, and left him. In either case… her mind is diseased and a poor template for a woman (not raised correctly around a loving father that directly or indirectly vetted her relationship choices).
Ironically I mostly blame men – the fathers of these women – for the current poor condition women and our state is in currently.
Are there some cases where there was true physical abuse that needed to be avoided? Sure. However, overwhelmingly that is NOT the case, and IN FACT many women KNOW THIS INSTINCTIVELY and will LIE about the reason they’re single. I have been told by many women on dates their husband passed away, was abusive, etc. etc. – only to find out that – in truth it was the woman’s decision to leave. There was no abuse. Her ex husband is not dead – and is drowning in the legal proceedings she’s brought against him.
A healthy woman is able to bring a child into the world, with a great man (yes even a paltry small income man that works hard) and is able to see in her child’s eyes the love they have for their father, and do WHATEVER it takes to keep that man, raise her child properly and keep the spark alive in their relationship, to maintain her family.
ANYTHING else is generally the woman’s fault.
As an aside roughly 90% of all divorces are filed by women – it’s NOT men that are ending relationships and causing these issues. You can even look to homosexual lesbian pairings and see even worse numbers… women are an absolute mess. If they’re fathers caused this issue by not raising them properly, women are doing an excellent job continuing this insane trauma proliferation and continually making poorer and poorer decisions with their lives and the world.
In addition to the lack of ritual and foresight that these women’s fathers effectively withheld from their daughters women are being propagandized 24/7 by this faux women’s empowerment movement that is convincing women that the grass is greener or that their husbands normal, boundary-setting dominance is instead “abuse.”
Reason #2 Not to Date a Single Mother – Your Attachment to the Children is Powerful
When entering into a relationship with a single mother there’s no way to NOT have a relationship with their children. Having done this myself, I literally was CONVINCED I didn’t care for her children – at least not to a point that would ever obscure the correct decision to make in the relationship (for myself, and for us collectively). That gets thrown out the window when you become intertwined with a woman with children.
- the overwhelming majority of women END relationships and
- you are not legally tied to the children in any way
Women will wield your relationship with the children as a tool to both manipulate you, and in the case of the end of a relationship she will PREVENT you from having an ongoing and loving relationship with the children – no matter what she may say during the relationship.
Obviously, doing this is detrimental to her children and their healthy connections and relationships with men. But, in all my years I have never seen a woman allow the man she was formerly dating to continue to have a relationship with her children. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. They rip their children from their men’s loving arms as a tool to maximize pain regardless of consequence (again – they make BAD decisions).
So the question here fundamentally comes down to – it’s ALL or nothing with single mothers. Either you go in KNOWING she’s the most amazing woman in the world – or you risk fucking up your own life (having children ripped from you is literally one of the worst pains one can experience in life) AND fucking up her children’s lives. The best way to win this game is to not play at all.
Reason #3 Not to Date a Single Mother – You Never Come First
In a healthy relationship you and your wife or girlfriend should be #1 in each others’ lives. With single mothers that is literally never the case. In fact, it will be weaponized against you in many ways. We all know women hate accountability, now they have the greatest excuse in the world for missed events, lateness, dropped responsibilities.
And when it comes to the things YOU want… or you DESERVE (it IS a relationship after-all)… the children will come first, and be used as an excuse why you’re not getting those things you may want or require from your woman (love, attention, time, touch, etc. etc.). Taking a back seat to the children, although understandable, is not a situation any man should be put.
Now, let’s look at this from a woman’s point of view – this makes total sense.
In fact, I know many men with children who report their wives are disconnected after giving birth – especially in years 0-5. This makes total sense. Children are a lot of work. Young children are literally trying to kill themselves constantly and would DIE without an adult around 24/7 to feed, water, and clean them. But the problem is – with this going on, where is the space for the man? There really isn’t one.
This is one of the big commitments and responsibilities a man must take on in a marriage and in having children. Taking care of his wife and child(ren) with little or no reward for some period. This is NATURAL and HEALTHY in a conventional marriage. In a single mother relationship – it’s again… inverted.
A great wife will do as much as she can to make sure her man is encouraged to take care of business, but this dynamic is completely GONE with single mothers, yet she STILL has the responsibility to take care of her children.
The question to single mothers is really… “considering you need to take care of your children (have a job), day care, etc. – where do I as a man fit in?”
The truth is you don’t at all.
And I even AGREE you shouldn’t come first (the children do) – but the question then is WHY IS THIS WOMAN DATING IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Reason #4 Not to Date a Single Mother – Coordinating Schedules is a Nightmare
As a currently single man that is lucky enough to have been very successful, I have a pretty flexible schedule. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I’ve decided to maybe even re-consider a single mother – she proves that coordinating schedules with a single mother is a nightmare (similar to #3). They will snap at you for being inconsiderate when you take initiative and plan a date (even if you pay for a sitter), then not respond when you try to coordinate alongside them and when called out or asked for simple ADULT accountability, again snap at you and deflect to the children.
Remember you’re never on your own schedule, you’re always on hers and the children’s first. Some decent women might make time initially, but will quickly default to being unwilling or unable to coordinate schedules for the sake of your own scheduling preferences. And I get it – managing children is time consuming and expensive. If I needed to coordinate a sitter and come up with an extra $100+ every time I wanted to go to dinner I wouldn’t be too thrilled…
But that’s the life they chose.
You’re literally damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Reason #5 Not to Date a Single Mother – Something is TERRIBLY Wrong with them Mentally & Emotionally
A healthy woman, with children, particularly young children, should NOT be dating. Not only SHOULD SHE NOT BE DATING, but it literally makes no sense when you reason or apply logic to the situation. I got to thinking about this, when I started seeing a lot of pregnant women on dating sites (which is abhorrent and shouldn’t even be necessary to say, but only a few years ago single mothers were disgusting, but now they’re worshipped so feel it is necessary to underscore this). The idea that women don’t have the social awareness to simply NOT do this is strange, it’s bad enough they were knocked up by some random man, but now they’re actively advertising themselves (often in a sexual capacity) on dating sites looking for ANOTHER man, WHILE FUCKING PREGNANT?
Something is VERY wrong with women if they think this behavior is normal (and MANY DO!!!!)… It actually clearly demonstrates how little women understand or care about men. I digress…
Think about it – if a woman is single, she needs to be providing for her children. How is she doing this? There’s really only a handful of ways… either a) she’s getting money from her ex, which is a dangerous position for any new man to be entering into b) she’s working c) a combination of both d) or she uses sex with men for money (this is FAR more common than people realize – either direct sex or digital sex).
No matter the scenario, none are ideal.
She is either taking advantage (in the VAST MAJORITY of cases) of the laws that are pro-women and anti-men when it comes to alimony and child support, or working, and simultaneously raising children – which leaves no time for a man. Again, none of the actual possibilities that lead to this, or facilitate this are ideal for any man in any relationship.
By breaking down the above possibilities one realizes that there is NO reason/time for a woman to be dating as a single mother and she’s chosen a life for herself and for her children that is orders of magnitude more difficult than nearly any scenario she was previously in.
I will repeat she CHOSE A MORE DIFFICULT LIFE FOR HER CHILDREN BASED ON HER OWN PERSONAL PREFERENCES AND FEELINGS WITH NO REGARD FOR HER CHILDREN.
Now, if women were smart, thinking adults – as the world claims they are (in fact it claims they are smarter and more capable then men) why would they not do this math before making a decision to either:
- NOT get pregnant and have children
- leave their husbands or relationships (when children are involved)
Let me reiterate… children ARE involved. Birth control is PLENTIFUL… it’s easy NOT to get pregnant. But we’re talking about women with children.
Again, if they’re so smart and capable and literally their own children’s lives are at stake WHY ARE THEY NOT THINKING AHEAD ABOUT THESE THINGS?
Again… 80-90% of women are choosing THEMSELVES to leave their relationships and 50%+ of children are being raised by single mothers.
Something isn’t adding up here.
From a logical standpoint a life alone, even if a woman attempts to date, is ALWAYS a harder proposition then sticking with their man and trying to make it work.
So what is going on?
Have we been lied to about the way women operate? Are women maybe not as smart as the propaganda we’ve been born into claims? Are perhaps women NOT thinking creatures at all, but are, on the whole completely whimsical moving from moment to moment, situation to situation based on a WHIM and a FEELING rather than a logic, thinking, and projecting circumstances into the future? Is it any wonder we’ve had virtually no female historians, female philosophers, theologians, etc. etc.? If any of the above is true, why are we being led by women at all – in positions of power at work, at school, in the government? Is this all VERY dangerous?
I for one have seen on the microcosm how even the best, brightest and mature women are bat shit crazy personally, and don’t for a second trust women in any sort of position of authority out in the grander world.
Reason #6 Not to Date a Single Mother – It’s an Inverted Hierarchy
Another thing that isn’t immediately clear to single guys looking at potentially dating a hot single mother the relationship dynamic is inverted. This was hinted at in the previous sections, but the children come first, then her, then the man. In a conventional household it’s man first, then woman – taking your lead as a man, and trusting in you, and then the woman taking care of YOUR children.
With any child – especially by 2+ – the rules and boundaries that must be created and enforced by it’s parents, aren’t going to be able to be properly created and enforced by an outside partner. Period.
Women will not bow down to any outside man when it comes to THEIR children. MODERN WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH THIS WITH THE FATHER OF THEIR CHILDREN! You think you’re gonna be different?
And then, even if some kind of standard is setup, it’s the woman (their mother) who has to enforce it – not the man – which is the incorrect order. This enables a number of long-term perverted views on the world.
I don’t know any man who is truly happy NOT leading his relationship. Sure, some do this (date single moms, let the woman lead), because of character flaws and parental challenges that damaged their spirits and psyches, but it’s simply a matter of they haven’t overcome them yet. They are clearly angry, bitter, bitchy about the situation.
Reason #7 – It’s Not Your Blood, It’s Literally The Woman’s and Other Man’s Responsibility
There’s something about having your own children, particularly if you’re a man that is considering a girlfriend with a daughter. There are a lot of things we all know or feel (as long as one hasn’t been totally propagandized) that can take time or experience to fully realize. When I was young, I truly bought into the nonsensical global warming narrative (It was jammed down my throat for decades, and is propagandized everywhere) and that therefore led me to believe that raising other people’s children would be a noble pursuit. In 99% of cases, it’s not. It’s self-aggrandizing and self-denial bullshit brought on by childhood trauma and fueled by systems that are constantly lying to you. But, after waking up, doing my own research and study I realized – holy shit, this stuff is nonsense.
There are all kinds of things like that when it comes to male/female dynamics. One such thing came to a head for me, when I noticed I had a better emotional connection/relationship with my girlfriend’s daughter, than with my girlfriend. It’s ultimately why I left. And she was about to hit puberty, and I realized the potential challenges of a sexually mature young woman hanging around a man that wasn’t her father.
This also elucidated the fact that ANY woman with a daughter should NEVER bring a man around her until she’s older than 18. It’s not your blood! There’s always the possibility of sexual chemistry AND we all know women hate accountability. Combine those two catalysts and it’s easy to see how dangerous that kind of situation is – and ironically women NEVER bring this up.
Additionally, you have every right as a man, to demand that any offspring you end up taking care of, be your own blood. Anything else is frankly disgusting on a truly guttural, biological level. I have no desire to raise anyone else’s children or pick up the slack for any one else’s short comings – least of all some slag that slept around and makes poor life choices.
Again, the problem with another man in a woman’s life with children is you’re (in some ways) usurping the primary father figure, but you cannot truly fulfill that requirement, you’re not her blood. You’re literally stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Reason #8 Why Not to Date a Single Mother (or any Woman Older Than You Ever) – No Respect, and You’re a Glorified Teddy Bear
You’ll never earn her respect. I think intrinsically (despite a need for satisfaction and a quelling of their loneliness) women KNOW that single mothers are inherently value-less. You coming along and trying to white-knight the situation simply proves that you are in fact not a man of high value, high morals, or able to correctly assess things. As such, even subconsciously you will NEVER have her respect. By the mere fact of dating them, you lose their respect. And they’ll chip away through all of the above examples until you’re a hollow shell of man, and your literally lifeless body is tossed for the next bigger loser (I know TOO MANY temporary step-fathers who developed cancer).
Glorified Teddy Bear – women, particularly older women, or women in compromised situations like single mothers, are no longer actually interested in a man (like a healthy, young, single women), instead her priorities have shifted into the following realities – money, safety and entertainment.
Single mothers by their nature are looking for help with their children.
Trust me here, I dated a supposed “multi-millionaire” – guess who ended up paying the mortgage, paying for home repairs, paying for groceries, etc.? Yup, me. And it was before I was worth millions myself.
Finally, once that is satisfied (money to an extent where between her own earnings and your contributions make her feel somewhat secure) you’ll mostly become a resource for entertainment and attention – nothing more (and this is complicated with online dating and instagram).
This dynamic again plays into the inverted hierarchy where you no longer have a woman that is trying to get the best out of the man she loves, helping to fan his flames as you CONQUER THE FUCKING WORLD FOR HER AND YOUR CHILDREN, but instead you’re relegated to the role of a teddy bear – a useless tool for sex, companionship and a cheap psychologist… but ultimately disposable, and she’s definitely not the tool men often need to push themselves and grow in the world.
This inversion – where women effectively infantilize men, keeping them as Peter Pan’s, is absolutely found in relationships with older women (in part because older attractive women, are generally only attracted to hot men, who could just as easily pull young women), so they literally keep men infantilized so they don’t end up growing up and wanting a family or conquering the world.
(This dynamic is also at play with older women and younger women, one which I’ll expose in future posts.)
Reason #9 – You’re Literally a Cuck
Most men these days think being a “cuck” involves watching (or letting) another man sleep with your woman. That is, in fact, not true. That’s far worse than being a cuck. The actual definition of a cuck is a man that raises another man’s child.
So, by definition – you’ll be a cuck. This is NOT a good thing, despite what the modern day programming will tell you on the View. As a child of the 80s I can assure you that – not too long ago – it was a very strange, sad, and outright disgusting thing to be a single mother. Sure, back then it was rare and as such women were given the benefit of the doubt (probably fairly accurately) – IE “her ex-husband was abusive, a deadbeat, or worse but it was never praised. The 80s saw the burgeoning of what would become the modern propaganda celebrating this disgusting practice (single motherhood and as such we now have a population raised by more than 50% single mothers).
Being a cuck means you have no self-respect and critical thinking (which will become more and more difficult as the bulk of society is raised by feminine figure heads who don’t encourage critical thinking and reflection but resigning to one’s emotions). It will NOT ingratiate you with other women (they hate weak men) and men who are mature and raised by fathers will also look down on you. It’s a completely losing proposition.
Ultimately making yourself a cuck communicates to the world you have no Self-Respect… and as I’ve written the #1 thing men want is respect. If you’re not going to respect yourself… who is?
Reason #10 Not to Date a Single Mother: You’re Taking From Your Own Blood(line)
Whether you already have children, or don’t yet – you have to understand that dating a single mother always involves additional costs and major sacrifices.
And every one of those costs is a small form of sacrifice against what could have been or against something already in existence. By taking care of a single mother and her child (most women will say you won’t have to do this, but you ABSOLUTELY WILL) you invariably sacrifice your time and resources for a child that isn’t yours and are effectively taking away time and attention from your actual children and blood line.
Since time-immemorial men have sweat and bled, often endlessly for years, for the oppotunity to reproduce and take care of their children and continue their bloodline… with single mothers a strange, inverted system is in place where you continue those same duties for someone else.
Let’s do an experiment – imagine you’ve accomplished everything you set out to accomplish. You’re successful, large, powerful, but a kind man. You have a gorgeous wife and many children (all your own).
One day your son walks up to you and reveals he’s in a relationship with a single mother. He’s madly in love but wants to take care of her and this other mans child.
What would you do? How would you respond?
I think by testing ourselves in these fantasy environments (that although still potentially pulled by the decades of propaganda, since they are ideals are much less vulnerable) allows us to better see circumstances.
You’d be pissed… you worked hard to build your legacy. You love your son and want the best for him and for him to find a wife that will continue your line.
Now imagine if the man that bore this single mother is an enemy of your family… how easier of a decision would it be then?
The truth is, it is COMPLETELY NATURAL – IE genetically an imperative that a man bore his OWN children and ONLY his own children. It’s one reason why I detest interracial relationships (and there are MANY reasons for that) but because ultimately the child doesn’t bear resemblance to their family any more (particularly in black/white pairings).
One deserves to only invest in their own blood line and taking care of another man’s children will only diminish your ability to do that for your own.
Reason #11 You Become a Nanny That Pays for Privilege
This is a combination of a few of the items above, but it deserves its own category… when you date a single mother… you become a nanny that is literally paying for the privilege.
I remember when I was around 12 or 13 years old my mother started seeing a man for a short period who bought my brother and I a small remote controlled boat. I was enamored with the boat. My brother hated the guy and refused to accept any pay offs in exchange for taking my mother.
My brother was an alpha at 10 years old.
Similarly, as I aged I would go on to date a few single mothers and there’s something ingrained in the nature of men – we are truly caring and wish to share our riches. Every single hero’s journey goes something like this…
- Immature man goes out into the wilderness
- Slays the dragon
- Comes back mature with the gold
- Disperses the gold to their family and gets the girl
It’s a tale as old as time. We like to share. This is why women are hyper-sensitive to stingy men. And single mothers are no different, but the incentives are all mis-aligned. I remember an ex and I were cleaning my place and she noticed my nice set of bose speakers (which were in use) and she prodded me to give them to her daughter who had been asking for speakers for her room. I told her no and she FLIPPED out calling me cheap and selfish. I said “look… I’m willing to go out and get her a set of speakers right now, but she neither needs nor do I want to give her my nice speakers that were expensive.”
She only heard that I was cheap. It was a test and I failed it.
I still am using those speakers 10 years later.
The only right move would have been to walk out. Ahhh to be young and naive again. She shouldn’t have been asking me in the first place. It was a clear sign she had no boundaries and didn’t respect others’ boundaries.
So not only will you spend resources on your girl’s little ones (it’s COMPLETELY inevitable) you’ll also spend time helping them with various things – because it’s your nature, and they’re ultimately just children trapped by the poor decisions of their mother.
So in a sense you’ve become a nanny, someone with no control or power, who has to watch and spend time with the children – and you’ll literally be paying for the privilege.
Reason #12 There Will Be Far More Conflict In Your “Relationship”
Ask any new parent, even those who are blissfully married, with good incomes and bearing children that were entirely planned and every couple with tell you – children invariably bring conflict to relationships.
On the whole, this is a good thing.
The uncontrollable nature of children (they’re going to get hurt, get sick, do weird shit) means the adults in charge of that child or children will invariably be put into situations that will test them, test their morals and values, and without a strong rock of a relationship it can be a very dangerous and precarious position for the relationship.
As an outside man, despite not having any blood relation to your woman’s children, you’ll also be put into this position – whether you like it or not.
Additionally, these kinds of conflicts are an excellent place to judge the mother. By watching how she deals with these challenges she’ll reveal herself as wholly incapable of raising children in the first place. Before I get to some examples here… let me clarify.
I don’t believe women were meant or designed to raise children on their own. It’s clear they’re only capable of raising children in the earliest years where their own natures play a vital role in childhood and social development. But beyond the basics women DO NOT have the faculties required to raise young adults and full mature adults. This is reserved for men, the father, and the larger social circle (IE when young adult children leave the home). So when I say “judge them” I don’t mean harshly, but objectively.
I routinely watched my former girlfriend let her children run around screaming in fancy restaurants. She loved their reckless abandon and thirst for life. I was stewing and furious.
As much as I too loved their free flowing nature, them being unable to contain themselves in a social setting unbefiting of such behavior (and not being TAUGHT that there is a time and place for certain behavior as well as being TAUGHT that one must learn how to control one’s emotions and physical outbursts) was infuriating. To this day this gets me pissed when OTHER people aren’t policing their children. It’s sheer laziness and a lack of discipline and responsibility (especially when I see fathers not correcting their children).
But women ARE SUPPOSED to be like this. It’s the role of their husband, the father of their children to look out on the broader horizon and see that… “hmm… this wouldn’t be correct behavior if they were 30, perhaps they need to learn NOW how to behave so it can suit them later in life and properly integrate with society. If down the road they decide to go full Diogenes and start barking at the top steak houses in Miami… ok, but for now, they need to learn the rules before they can break them.”
So scenarios like this will both bring conflict as well as completely emasculate you as you are completely powerless to do anything about it. At best you can try to have a conversation with her afterwords, but that sets her up as the masculine leader in the relationship and putrified family unit.
Reason #13 Her Boys Will Hate You
An interesting fact about boys, they’re very protective of their mothers (of women in general) and at no time in their lives is this more visceral than when they’re children. I remember when I first met my ex’s son, he didn’t know what to think, but within about a month or so he totally understood what was going on (or at least understood his father was out of the picture and I was replacing him – as the supplement to his main home – where his mother lived).
He despised me at first. And even at a young age acted out against me in many different ways. In hindsight it was the most foolish thing. I should have left him alone and never dated her, but in the moment I tried to do what was best for both of them and cheer him up.
Reason #14 You May Hate Her Children (Especially Her Boys)
Another strange phenomenon I’ve seen – coming from a broken household myself, and watching the occasional man come through… men are competitive and as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that with maturity comes picking one’s limitations, or them being assigned by time and circumstance.
In this light it’s very clear that there’s a competitive nature between men and boys and sons and their fathers. As sons have to symbolically “kill” their father (something a loving father is willing to do) an outsider might not be open to this, he is just a proxy after-all. So this kind of intra-male competition within the same household or family unit can be devastating for both parties.
Also, if a boy is well-behaved does well in school, etc. often times a new man, who is jealous can become angry and violent and learn to hate this other boy. It’s not his blood. He doesn’t care. It should be his child winning the awards (or worse) he feels a personal sense of inadequacy as he didn’t perform as well at that age (or perhaps ever in life).
A man my mother dated was in such a position – a guy that pretended to be a high-flying business owner, was in fact, a complete loser who had couch surfed most of his adult life and was never particularly successful in anything. Luckily he wasn’t the jealous type, but it would make complete sense to me, had a been slightly less addicted to weed and junk food – my own success in my early life would have made him angry or jealous.
Basically children are innocent mirrors through which we see the world. They highlight our greatest flaws and weaknesses – things we must work on and change or irradicate. This is a very uncomfortable time. And here it’s a dirty tainted mirror – someone else’s offspring.
So what ARE the reasons to date a single mother? The only thing I can think of is to date above your threshold (hotter women). But ultimately the case above outlines the hellish nightmare even that is – so what? Just lay a hot woman? But that’s soulless and lowers her value even MORE – so at the end of the day it’s NOT really an option.
So how do you play a game you can’t win? You don’t. Stay the fuck away from single mothers. And the more we do this as men, stand up for what we know is right, the more reality will correct this mistake and women will realize what they’ve done is damning.
Top Questions on Dating Single Mothers:
After thinking deeply on the matter of dating single mothers the following top questions on dating single mothers came to mind…
Do successful men date single moms?
One of the top questions I see pop up over and over right now is “do successful men date single moms”?
I’m going to answer this from both perspectives – from the perspective of a man asking do successful men date single moms as well as from the perspective of a woman wondering whether do successful men date single moms?
I’m successful, mid 30s, attractive, fit, money, home (all paid off and with a large estate). I’ve worked hard to get here and am proud of my accomplishments. I deeply want a family but do not want to deal with a woman with children. Why? For all of the reasons above. Also, generally by the time a woman is older (30+, and especially if she’s had children) she’s calloused and set in her ways. I think the post summarizes what dating a single mother looks like from a man’s perspective (particularly a successful man that’s thought clearly about the matter and has experience with it both long and short-term dating).
From a woman’s perspective it is possible to find a successful man, and one that is willing to compromise by being with you, but you have to realize that you are (in fact) less valuable than a woman without children (for all of the reasons mentioned above) and approach the situation with humility and respect for the man that is considering undertaking YOUR burden. At the end of the day you can work out quite the deal by compromising on your own values a little bit. One of the strangest phenomenons I’ve witnessed in the last decade is the internal state of women and them being wholly unable to come to grips with their own lot in life. Women used to understand they would tether themselves to a man to make life easier – and over time a bond/love would form. It wasn’t about getting what “she deserved” or “settling” it was about acknowledging the differences in the sexes, the difficult of life, and working with a man to build a meaningful life.
Is it wrong to not date single moms?
Not at all, in fact I’d argue it’s wrong TO DATE single mothers – as it perpetuates one of the largest traumatic and psychological harms in our society today (women who are alone and unhappy, and children raised by women who are alone and unhappy – who are often victims of abuse at worst, or are raised in day care or the streets at best).
If women didn’t realize they DO NOT have options (IE men, collectively – like they used to – ignore and shame single mothers and men that date them) it would disappear overnight.
Is dating harder for single mothers?
Is dating harder for single mothers? – Absolutely, let’s just break this down simply… is caring for, and working to ensure another human life has food, water, sustenance and a roof over it’s head going to take away from your ability to go on dates when you’d like? Is coordinating a sitter an expensive pain in the ass? Obviously the answer is yes.
But, let’s consider the MORE IMPORTANT PART of the equation – the man. You’re looking to attract and retain the highest value man you can. That man DOES NOT want to raise another man’s child. I’m not saying some won’t (although I’d certainly advise against it), but I’m saying NO MAN WANTS TO DO THIS…
They’re lying to you to get you in bed if they say they do.
Imagine your son is fully grown and is looking for a wife. Are you going to advise him to go with a single curious virgin? Or a battle-hardened single mom that’s exhausted, pissed and is looking at your son like a paycheck?
Single mother dating is infinitely harder.
Can a single mom find a good man?
Not really. At the end of the day, we’re in an age of awakening… and men are waking up to the lies that have been perpetrated and spread throughout the culture for sometime (basically since the industrial revolution) and then later with feminism, and the final largest nail – the sexual revolution of the 60s.
Men, since time-immemorial have hated female sexual infidelity. Men and women are built VERY differently. One reason is to ensure paternity. A woman never has to worry if the baby she is gestating is hers – but a man has no confirmation of this fact. Historically a baby meant a lifetime of servitude to the child and the mother and ensuring it was ours was VERY important.
As we’ve learned more about women, their dual mating strategy, hypergamy and other uncomfortable facts many men, especially high value thinking men with means, are starting to question all kinds of narratives – such as the insane “man up and take care of a woman with another man’s child.”
We don’t want to raise someone else’s blood – we want to create and raise our own families.
Now – I’m not saying it completely impossible, but as I pointed out in this guide, I think most single mothers realize on some level that they’ve done a terrible thing to their families by breaking them up and as such they don’t respect the men they end up with any way (as being with them is a symbol these men don’t respect themselves or their own genetics).
The only longer-term healthy relationships I’ve seen with women are when they are MUCH older, IE 45+ and their children are no longer living at home (making coordinating schedules easier), but in these cases the women are often too calloused by living and fending for themselves to understand how to integrate a man into their lives (show respect, take his leadership, etc.). Additionally, it’s also important (for a healthy relationship) to ONLY date older men. IE if you’re 30, consider 50. If You’re 50, consider 70-80. These are the only pairings of single mothers I’ve seen work over the long term.